Living an Awesome Life

2011-05-18T13:15:00.000-07:00

I poured a huge glass of water on my bed to force myself to get up and do something instead of just surfing the internet and laying down. Ugh. What was I thinking? Do you have any idea how uncomfortable it is laying on damp towels in bed??????

2011-02-24T09:57:00.001-08:00

Snow day...maybe I'll get in a car crash.

2010-11-11T15:33:00.000-08:00

VETERANS DAY SUX IT RAINED NO SUN IM STILL IN BED I HAVE NO MICROWAVE SO I HAVE TO WAIT FORTY-FIVE MINUTES FOR A FROZEN CHICKEN POT PIE TO COOK LIFE IS PAIN DEATH IS SWEET RELEASE I BET THE PIE WILL BURN MY MOUTH I GUESS FEELING SCORCHING POT PIE FILLING IS BETTER THAN THE EMPTINESS I FEEL BUT WHAT IF I DONT FEEL THE HEAT CUZ MY MOUTH IS AS NUMB AS THE REST OF ME FEELS RITE NOW?? JESUS....

2010-11-11T01:41:00.000-08:00

im sick what a bad idea
my life is nothing but regret

2010-10-28T11:10:00.000-07:00

What am I supposed to do when I can't tell if it's my body that smells bad or my sheets? I guess I'll sleep on it.

2010-07-20T22:25:00.001-07:00

Jesus, I wish I at least had the self-respect/decency to put my fucking jeans on before I run to the bathroom to puke up a whole bottle of wine. Oh well I guess it's true what they say. You are what you drink. A whole fucking bottle of whine.

2010-04-07T23:49:00.001-07:00

Eventually everything gets depressing.

2010-03-26T13:05:00.000-07:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking and what if I released a series of full-length golf country club comedies the first being PAR, then PAR TOO: PAR TEE, PAR THREE, and finally PAR FOUR: THE COURSE?? I think it is important that when you have a dream or really great idea, you hold it tight in your hand and never let it go... Even if you squeeze too hard accidentally crushing it in the process. I think maybe Jamie Kennedy would be in the first Par movie and then just a guy who looks like him in the rest. OR MAYBE Jamie Kennedy dressed in prosthetics and makeup to LOOK like a guy who looks like Jamie Kennedy!!!!

2010-03-23T11:12:00.000-07:00

I can't get out of bed until I take my daily multivitamin.
I can't take my daily multivitamin until I eat some food.
I can't eat some food until I get out of bed.

This could be it guys.

2010-03-23T03:53:00.000-07:00

After reading my previous post a few hundred times, I think the only way I could die happy would be if the sun were to explode or the earth just imploded or something long and drawn out but everyone goes at the same time. I don't know it would be pretty comforting I guess, but I mean once it happens it's not like it really matters I guess what I am saying is that I want to live to be 1,000 then die in my sleep being embraced by all of my descendants.

2010-03-22T23:44:00.000-07:00

Oh my god. After you die everyone else keeps living. How do I know this? I know a handful of people who have died. What does this mean? I'm not sure. I get really heavy chested when I try to think about it though. I think I'll eat another bagel.

2010-03-22T13:49:00.001-07:00

I forgot to eat breakfast then I drank a bunch of coffee. I can't stop shaking. I think I'll eat an apple and a bagel.

2010-03-22T12:23:00.001-07:00

If it takes me two hours to get out of bed do you think I need to go to the hospital? At least if I was in a hospital bed I wouldn't feel like such a lazy piece of shit. Maybe I should buy a hospital bed for my bedroom?

2010-03-14T23:56:00.000-07:00

What if I forget how to breathe in my sleep??????

2010-03-14T12:56:00.000-07:00

Every time some one expects something out of me, I let them down. When do you think people will catch on to what an unreliable human being I really am???

2010-03-05T10:42:00.001-08:00

How much bile can one man release???

2010-03-04T19:20:00.001-08:00

There is a sore on the roof of my mouth. I hope it's not infected I guess...

2010-03-04T19:16:00.001-08:00

I wish I had a job. I wish I had something. Jesus.

2010-03-04T19:13:00.001-08:00

I feel an intense pressure on my chest making it impossible to breathe deep. I ate a salad. It's not helping. I feel like shit; is this the end??

2010-02-18T11:46:00.000-08:00

A FILM ON MY TEETH AND AN ACHE IN MY HEART

2009-05-27T11:26:00.001-07:00

ROTTEN GUTS

2009-05-25T22:18:00.003-07:00

I OPENED THE WINDOW BUT IT'S NOT HELPING I FEEL LIKE SHIT MY PALMS ARE SWEATING

2009-05-25T22:18:00.001-07:00

my palms are sweating I think im poisoned

Job Interviews

2009-05-25T22:11:00.000-07:00

Now that I have a job, I should just keep applying at places and going to interviews carrying a 12 pack of cocacola and just set it next to my chair or maybe on the desk and just start chugging sodas during the interview.